SYLAR: The Owner’s Guide and Maintenance Manual
by RoseOwl
Summary: The Company proudly presents the SYLAR unit. Now you can own the popular superpowered killer. On sale for a limited time. Hurry the clock is ticking with murderous intent.


**The Company**

**Presents**

**SYLAR: The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual**

**CONGRATULATIONS**! You are now the proud owner of a SYLAR unit! In order to achieve optimal use of your super villain the reading of this manual is essential. The development and care of your unit has been provided by our crack team of COMPANY employees. And of course, extensive vivisection.

As owner of our unit you are granted instant admission into the influential and global organization known as the COMPANY. It is our mission to protect and support the evolved members of the human race so that they can save the world. Most importantly, we must protect the genetically evolved from _themselves _and_ ordinary folk_. Basically, we get to do a lot of fun stuff with tasers and illegal surgery! And while there are no benefits, you will get the satisfaction of making a difference in your society.

Your SYLAR unit should arrive fully assembled and in upright conditions. Please check to make sure you have all of his accessories (see list below).

* * *

**TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS**

**Full Name**: Gabriel "Sylar" Gray

**AKA**: The Boogeyman, Super powered Serial Killer, Villain, He Who Must Be Special, Angel, Gabe, Brain man, Watchmaker's son

**Porn Name**: Begin with Special and go forth with your horny preference

**Manufacturer**: The COMPANY Inc.

**Date of Production**: Five Years Gone

**Age**: Your unit will claim 20 no matter what.

**Height**: 6'2

**Weight**: A company man was killed for asking this question. Let's just say he's slim and trim.

* * *

**ACCESSORIES**

One STANDARD WARDROBE OF VILLAINY (such as long black trench coats, Black baseball caps, thermal underwear, etc.)

One BOOK ON EVOLUTION BY CHANDRA SURESH

One PAIR OF WATCHMAKER'S GLASSES

One SNOWGLOBE OF NEW YORK (or you can purchase a different city or country of your choice online)

One RAMONES T-SHIRT (or you can purchase a T-shirt by another band online)

Two PAIRS OF SNEAKERS

One CAN OF SPINACH

One BIG ROACH (don't even ask)

One ROCK (secret weapon)

Replacement and additional items must be purchased from the local branch of Primatech Paper in your area or visit us online at activate your SYLAR unit all you have to do is follow these simple instructions.

* * *

**ACTIVATION**

To activate your SYLAR unit all you have to do is follow these simple instructions.

(1) Find a super powered individual. (This is not difficult. Go out to some busy streets & just pay attention).

(2) Make the evolved person demonstrate their ability before your SYLAR unit. (tell them you're working on a cure).

(3) SYLAR unit will burst out of his package and be fully active and murderous.

CAUTION! If you have a super power do not reveal or present it to your unit. We cannot be held responsible for leaving yourself vulnerable to a crafty serial killer.

In fact, if any of your family or relatives attempt to seek retribution upon your untimely death they will receive a visit from THE HAITIAN.

* * *

**MODES OF OPERATION**

**DEFAULT**

**WATCHMAKER**: Rejoice, your clocks will never be out of sync with your SYLAR unit on duty! This was your SYLAR unit's entire existence before he realized his true CALLING. His keen intuitive sense and skillful hands are beyond mortal ability. It is indeed, a SUPER POWER.

This mode will have your friends and family amazed at your new found punctuality. He's so good that we've received dozens of testimonies from women claiming he reset their menstrual clock. Isn't that EXTRAORDINARY?!

**SERIAL KILLER/PREDATOR**: Killing is a means to an end for your SYLAR unit It is the only way for him to acquire the power he so deliciously CRAVES and HUNTS. The desire to be SPECIAL has distorted in his mind with the idea of EVOLUTIONARY imperative. He views himself as a natural predator. Though he may exhibit slight prongs of a guilty conscience in extreme cases (i.e. nuking New York) he will overcome it. Thus, anything or anyone who stands in his way of natural order shall meet a bloody resolution.

To restrain this mode we strongly recommend that you do not expose your unit to no more than one super every TWO WEEKS. It is also recommended that you have a crack legal team on hand. It never takes long for the FBI to come sniffing around. You may also want to invest in an EDEN or HAITIAN UNIT.

**ACTIVATED UPON CERTAIN CONDITIONS**

**LOVER**: Surprised? You shouldn't be. Your unit was once a timepiece restoring DORK. Admittedly, a cute dork but still. Manipulation and ego bashing are the tools to use on your unit. Yes, this mode requires a little work to engage but if you properly follow the procedure described below it is not too difficult.

(1) Begin conversation with your SYLAR unit by stating that he does not know "how sex works". Emphasize those last three words with a furtive glance at your unit.

(2) Follow that with sighs of disappointment and hint towards that if he had sex that there would be LOW expectations in terms of performance.

(3) Your unit should be properly insulted and murderous now. If not, simply add in a few more sighs and a few more hits to his ego.

(4) Your SYLAR unit will then declare that he knows "how sex works" and will be ready to prove it. DO NOT let him jump you just yet!

(5) Respond with some sort of apology and subtly suggest that it is really your performance that you are really worried about. Give the intention that you need lots of PRACTICE in order to achieve efficiency.

(6) Your unit should take you up on the offer of practice. He will state that he will continue to PERFORM until he fixes it just right for you.

(7) Humbly accept and throw in at the end how he is SPECIAL compared to you.

If you are successful in following the above directions then you should find yourself receiving VERY HOT AND EXTRAORDINARY sex at least three times a week.

CAUTION! It may take a few more conversations to get this right. Especially if your unit has engaged a MOHINDER unit in the past. Also be careful not to anger your unit too much. You may end up dead.

**RESEARCH ASSISTANT**: Being interested in science so heavily your SYLAR unit is a very good researcher. He will expertly file, color tab and type at the speed of 60 WPM. Empowered with eidetic memory, you may employ your unit as a walking FLASH DRIVE. He can back up any research info for those instances in which your dog eats your flash drive/report/cardboard, etc.

In short, your SYLAR unit will be a valuable asset in the pursuit of your education or mad scientist experimentation.

**PAINTER**: Place a blank canvas or board in front your unit and watch the magic happen! Your unit will paint with the fervor of someone possessed. Though most of the artwork will be grim predictions of the future, you can surely hock them for some extra bucks.

**SLASH**: You believe there was some definite sparks flying between SYLAR and certain male characters. Now you can play out your particular slashy fantasy in the privacy of your own home. All it takes to unlock this mode is one minute of interaction with ANY adult male unit.

Yes, your SYLAR unit possesses such a chameleon like personality that he is able to exude just the right amount of sexy charisma to charm. The most success will come with the MOHINDER unit.

Be CAREFUL with the PETER unit. They will get rough.

* * *

**CLEANING AND GENERAL CARE**

Your SYLAR unit is relatively easy to keep in good condition. To keep him happy, healthy and clean please perform the following on a daily basis:

(1) Hot shower. No bubble baths. Though he will enjoy a thorough towel and dry process. Use big fluffy towels.

(2) Keep his hair neatly trimmed. SYLAR unit does not like BAD haircuts. Of course, he wants shampoo and conditioner.

(3) Steady diet of supers. Also an ice cream dessert is good. No EGGS.

(4) Praise. He likes hearing how SPECIAL or EXTRAORDINARY that he is.

(5) Jogging. He likes to stay in shape. Serial killing can be physically demanding some time.

* * *

**FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS**

Q: Help! My unit sliced open my cousin's head and took her power to crap shiny new pennies!

A: Wow, your cousin's power is downright lame. Sucks for you. You have any relatives with better powers?

Q: Do you ship to Canada?

A: As per our business relationship with the DHARMA INITIATIVE, we do not. We apologize but we cannot ship to a HOSTILE territory.

Q: I suddenly keep hearing this ominous ticking whenever my SYLAR unit is alone with me. What's going on?

A: Uh oh. Have you recently manifested a super power? If so, well, you're probably already dead by the time of this writing.

Q: The only thing my SYLAR unit is interested in reading are books about genetics and evolution. Talk about boring! I want to get him to read some more mainstream stuff. What can I do? Please, please help!

A: First of all, you should be pleased that he reads something intelligent! Good grief, I mean how many guys do you know who will read at such a level?! Don't know any do you? But since you insist we recommend Stephen King. Try giving him Carrie, Firestarter or The Stand. Characters with super powers should keep him into it.

Q: I want my SYLAR unit to sometimes be a HERO. How can I reprogram him?

A: Have you ate too much glue or something? Your unit is a hardwired VILLIAN! The most you can do to curb his desire for brains is to stuff tuna sandwiches down his throat.

If you're looking for an ANIT-HERO go purchase a NOAH BENNETT unit.

* * *

**ADDITIONAL INFO**

For questions or concerns not addressed in this guide, please feel free to contact us at our website or mailing address:

THE COMPANY

PO BOX 400

ODESSA, TX 60661

* * *

**Author's note**: After doing some guides for LOST, I decided to try a guide for HEROES. Comments and reviews are welcome. Also should do I more? 

**Disclaimer**: I did not come up with the owner guide/manual idea. I believe that credit goes to an author by the name of Theresa Green, who's idea lead to the creation of owner guides in other categories. And of course, I do not own HEROES.


End file.
